ABOUT DATING & MARRIAGE
Dear GoLiveServe,
I was born and raised in China. My family immigrated to the U.S. when I was young. Since I became a Christian in high school, I have been preparing to serve in China long-term. I feel God has given me my background for this purpose. My passion is to reach children in impoverished areas through education. After serving with a non-profit for several years, I am now doing graduate studies in the U.S., partly to fulfill the wishes of my parents and partly to expand my career options for future service.
Recently I started dating someone that I met at a Christian conference. We seem to have so much in common! My parents like him because he graduated from a top school and has a good job. All my friends like him too because he is sweet and has a good sense of humor. He may be the one, but how can I be sure when I am not even sure about how my career and China will play out? What should I look out for? Would really like to hear from you soon!
Fiona
Dear Fiona,
It is a dizzying experience to enter a romantic relationship. Proverbial wisdom is: If you are very rational, you need to try to be in touch with your feelings; but if you tend to be all feeling, then you need to make an effort to be rational. So as you enter this romantic relationship that can sweep you off your feet, you need to think straight!
Because you have a passion and some sense of calling, you need to ask yourself:
What are the things most important to me in life?
What do I feel God has called me to? How has He led me thus far?
If I am to explore sharing my life journey with this man, character and chemistry aside, important as they are:
What is his vision for life?
What is his passion? Does he have a dream about what he wants to do, how he wants to serve God?
Where does he see himself living, working and serving?
Like-mindedness when it comes to marriage is more than just have the same faith and fervor for God. It is also having the same openness to His calling, direction and vision for service.
Lots of times, people fall in love and don’t talk about these big picture parameters till they are too emotionally involved to extricate themselves. When they discover that their expectations and callings in life don’t align, then it becomes very painful. Most people give in to the pull of the relationship, compromise and settle…
So while we are excited for you that there is a brother who is pursuing you, someone who is a Christian, intelligent and eligible, we urge you to pray and think about these important questions from the start.
The issue of passion and calling is not a bad topic to explore as you get to know one another because it is what defines you, an important part of who you are, what you care about…even though the future is yet unclear. You want someone who wants to share that journey, and even lead you!
Food for thought; keep us posted!
Blessings,
GoLiveServe
Reflection Questions:
Dating and marriage is a serious test of the Lordship of Christ in one’s life, especially in the context of the call to missions. Some singles may decide that they will not go overseas until God provides a life partner, who shares the calling. Others feel they should respond to the calling promptly, with or without a mate, or they could be waiting for a long time; perhaps they have to be out there to meet people with a similar calling! Are you able to trust the Lord with this very important aspect of your life? What is your thinking?